In-N-Out famously offers just five items on its menu: three burgers (hamburger, cheeseburger, and double cheeseburger), fries, and three flavors of shake. You can also order the standard variety of Coca Cola sodas. More famously, they have an extensive “secret menu.” The menu is such an open secret that In-N-Out even publishes it on their website. Sort of. Not all the items available at In-N-Out show up on their official 'secret menu.' Here then, is our comprehensive list:

Burgers

2×4

Two patties and four slices of cheese. You used to be able to order any combination meat and cheese (3×3, 4×2, 20×20, etc.). Now the 4×4 is the maximum size they’ll honor.

Double Meat

Two patties, no cheese. You can order double, triple or quadruple meat.

Flying Dutchman

Double meat, double cheese, nothing else. No lettuce. No Tomatoes. No onions. Not even a bun.

Grilled Cheese

Basically what it sounds like—a cheeseburger without the burger. Comes with lettuce, onions and tomatoes.

Veggie Burger

No meat. No cheese. Just lettuce, onions and tomatoes. Hard to imagine the point.

Preparations

Animal Style

This is the one most people have heard of. ‘Animal Style’ starts by coating the patty with mustard, then they add the cheese, diced onions, and secret sauce—all mixed together and grilled. You also get extra pickles. Any burger can be ordered Animal Style.

Mustard Grilled

A patty coated in mustard before grilling.

Protein Style

Any burger they offer, wrapped in lettuce instead a bun.

Cut-In-Half

Any burger, just cut in half.

Extra Toast

All In-N-Out burgers come on lightly toasted buns. ‘Extra toast’ just toasts the bun a little longer.

No Salt

No salt added to your burger (or fries).

Fries

Animal Style Fries

Grilled onions, melted cheese and extra sauce, smothered over fries.

Cheese Fries

Fries topped with melted cheese on top.

Well Done or Light

Fries light are basically undercooked fries. Fries well done are overcooked.

Drinks

Neapolitan Shake

A chocolate, vanilla and strawberry shake, layered in a single cup.

Chocolate-Vanilla Swirl

Chocolate and vanilla shakes, stirred together.

Root Beer Float

Half vanilla shake, half root beer.

Extras

Extra Spread

In-N-Out calls it’s Thousand Island-eque secret sauce “spread.” You can get extra added to your burger, or ask for a packet to go.

Grilled Onions

When you order at In-N-Out they ask if you want onions. If you say yes you’ll get them chopped and raw. You can also ask for them grilled or ‘grilled whole’ (i.e. one big slice).

Chopped Chilis

Chopped pepperoncinis added to your burger. You can also ask for a packet to go.

Extra _____

You can always ask for extra tomatoes, lettuce, onion, etc.

Stuff

All In-N-Outs have sticker puzzles for kids. They’ll also give you some paper hats if you ask for them. Most also sell t-shirts and bumper stickers and a few offer a wider variety of merchandise—from posters, to bikinis to lawn chairs.

When we learned that Umami was offering a $65 burger we were torn. Review or don’t review? Fork over the better part of a C-note for 1/3 pound of fried ground beef, or drop $7 on the best burger I’ve ever had and spend the other 58 bucks on a beer, a 200% tip and a month’s worth of clean water for seven Philippine families. In the end I opted for a compromise:

So, what does a $65 burger taste like?
It tastes exactly what you think it tastes like. It tastes like disappointment. If you’ve never tasted it, it’s hard to describe exactly what disappointment tastes like. Some know the acrid taste of disappointment—the kind imparted by an ordinary experience that’s been over-seasoned with hype. Others are acquainted with the bilious aftertaste that bubbles up with the revelation that you’ve just paid to be part of a marketing ploy. The M.N.O. offers up both of these flavors, but a refined palate will also identify another flavor—the disappointing taste that accompanies the realization that you’re the kind of person who would pay $65 for a hamburger.

I should clarify here that I have not actually eaten this burger. Nor will I. I know what you’re thinking—how can you review a meal you haven’t tried? Ordinarily I’d agree (and have been known to quote a Maoist maxim to this effect). But I think it’s pretty clear that Umami isn’t really selling a $65 burger. They’re selling a $65 ticket to a club that still thinks conspicuous consumption is cool. They’re selling a $65 prop for an #instabrag photo that not only tells your friends you’ve made it, but also lets them know that this is your first bubble.

Yes, it’s made with some of the priciest meat around (an 8oz. Waygu steak can set you back $350), and topped with truffles and ’77 port reduction. In New York City—where foie gras hasn’t yet been banned for being inhumane—you can also round it out with a slab of fatted duck liver. I assume the hope here is that if you’ve never heard of Waygu, you’ll at least know that truffles are fancy, or that port is fancy, or that foie gras is fancy, and thus conclude that the burger (and ergo, you) are fancy too—kind of the way Donald Trumpcoats everything in gold so you’ll be sure to know he’s “classy.” But just in case four layers of iconically indulgent ingredients send too subtle a signal, Umami went ahead and gave it a name to remove all doubt. M.N.O. stands for “Money’s No Object.” Yeah, you read that right. And no, it’s not 1999.

Clearly, then, the exorbitant price of the M.N.O. is not about the provenance of the beef, or the rarity of the truffles, or the vintage of the port, or the patient torture du canard. It’s not about about the flavor—unless that flavor is the savory taste of smugness. No, like the name says, it’s all about the money—and the piquantly arrogant relish that comes from spending it with abandon. The M.N.O. is not a burger. It’s an edible trophy, a prize in a contest called “look at me.” It confuses opulence with ostentation at a time when neither should be admired. It’s a spectacular indulgence that may be as delicious as it is decadent, but if there’s one thing I can tell you without ever taking a bite, it’s that it’s tasteless.

This article was originally published on Medium.

In-N-Out’s Secret Secret Menu